A Milestone

This last week I made it to 27 weeks.  Lots of emotions as I thought about/compared my pregnancy now with Joanna's - the last week I carried her.  So many memories...

I'm thoroughly enjoying feeling Baby K move and kick, not so much the heartburn, but I'll take it.  Can't wait to see what SHE will look like.  Trent and Drew have indulged me by walking throughout the baby sections of whatever store we happen to be in.  I got a 10 dollar reward from JCPenny and I thought it would be fun to see if we could find a good deal...preferably free.  I haven't allowed myself to buy anything for her yet!  When I commented to Drew that there were just too many outfits to choose from...he gladly took over and picked out a cute outfit set for his sister and it only cost $2!!

I also received my copy of the book A Gift of Time.  Not quite a year after Noah was born I saw on the Perinatal Hospice website that two ladies were asking for submissions to help write this book.  I sent in Noah's story, answering various questions they supplied on a questionnaire.  So, Tuesday I sat on the couch - 3 years later - and just cried as I read several of my very own quotes...bringing me back to those very moments...emotions so raw.  So thankful that Noah's legacy will continue to touch the lives of families that are going through similar situations even now.  I trust this will be a great resource for families to read when given their own devastating diagnosis.  I'll be saving up to get a few copies to give to my doctors office!!  You can read a few excerpts on amazon.com, just click on the book cover.

After the boy's b-ball games, Mike helped me clear out our catch all/office/craft/computer room.  We set up the crib our friend gave us (thanks Ian for moving to your big boy bed!).  One of about the only things that didn't sell at our garage sale was the baby bedding.  So, I just got that out too.  The other half of the room will continue to house my office and the boy's desk/computer.  I organized the closet floor to ceiling with all my craft stuff.  So, needless to say, I'm glad to get this part done while I'm still feeling good.  Want a peek of the work in progress?

A little B-ball action...

Trent and Drew have started playing basketball at the Y.  Mike is having fun coaching both teams, so it makes for a busy day.  Mike, shall we say... repeats himself A LOT...so that's "fun" (ahh the joys of teaching...I just smile as I remember back to my own teaching days.)  It's definately a job to keep 10 kids on track while teaching basic skills and coaching the game, but we are both glad he has the opportunity to get involved.   I'm excited to see how much they'll improve over the 10 weeks or so!  Here are just a few pics I was able to snap of the boys last week.  ENJOY!!
**Be sure to check out what's been  happening since I last posted in October.  I will date my posts about the time they occurred, so make sure you scroll down to see what we've been up too!!**

Feelin' Crafty

I've been working on a few projects.  It started before Christmas with some presents - this bag - I made for my SIL and my SIL to be.  I even picked up some fabric to make a cute - small diaper bag of sorts for the little girl that will be joining us in April.  I found this "Moma Bag" from the book...Handmade Home.  I, of course, had to add some pockets on the inside!  See, what do you think...

I also seached the internet for a tutorial on how to make a camera strap cover.  I used fabric I had from previous projects...it was really fun to do something quick.  Click on the pictures for a link to the tutorials I used.



The Wedding!

My brother Perry and new SIL Julie were married December 10.  Drew and I traveled to Ohio early to help with some last minute details...i.e. about 250 cupcakes and the rehearsal dinner :)  It was a lot of fun!!  We got to see family from out of town and hang out with my grandparents for a few days.

It was a beautiful ceremony and just an all around FUN weekend!!

Wish I had more pictures to share!  But here are a few...

 Yes, we took pics outside in the COLD...can't wait to see the professional ones!

WE'RE HAVING...

Mike and I went into the doctor just before Thanksgiving.  We not only got to see the baby and be reassured that she is growing healthy, we found out that we are having a GIRL!!!!  I'm excited to have a daughter, but a little nervous.  As Mike and I were talking I ask him, "So what are you thinking?  Are you excited?"  He says something to the effect of, "So, when you're gone, I'm gonna have to do her hair??!!??"  I laughed, "That's what your thinking about?"  I love this little profile...

In SHOCK and AWE...

For the last 15 weeks our family has been praying for someone special. The emotions of it all lead to our choice not to share the news publicly...yet. The waiting can be excruciating, and as a mom especially, I felt like I needed to be the protector and guardian until we had more information.

After we lost Noah, we were so excited to be expecting again, and it was devastating to find out, and then have to share, that we would be loosing Joanna too. We just felt so confident that we wouldn’t have to face another loss. Needless to say, we learned that no one gets a free pass when it comes to the struggles and pain of this life.

So this past August when we found out that God had blessed us with another pregnancy, we felt both excited and apprehensive. “Are we really that crazy – to try AGAIN?” I came to a very hard crossroads this last spring and decided I needed to make a choice…to release what control I still thought I had on what I thought my family would be…my dreams, my expectations. It was hard not knowing what the future would hold for the Konings. Could I really spend anymore time wishing for what was lost?  Wishing for more. Could I just be truly grateful for the two amazing boys God has given me? Do I continue to stay home? Do I pursue a full time job? How do I best serve my family? How do I go on, what’s the next thing for me, if we are done having children? It all came to a head when Mike we decided it would be a great idea to have a garage sale and get rid of the baby stuff that sat collecting much dust in the attic. This seemed like an easy decision logically, but it was very emotional for me. Attached were the memories of Trent and Drew using them, yes, but then on top of that were the emotions of the dreams and memories I never got to have with Noah and Joanna, or would/could have with any more babies. Was this REALLY my life? Reality sets in, and friends, it can be brutal sometimes. But I survived, and it really was a process - of relinquishment - that I needed to go through.

Back to August…well, September when I finally got an appointment with the doctor (at 11 weeks, but they thought more like 10). Without me even having to ask, the doctor said he’d get me back to ultrasound and we’d see how things were progressing. We heard a very strong heartbeat that morning, 176. We had crossed the “Joanna hurdle”, but knew it’d be too early to tell about Meckel-Gruber (I was 15 weeks when we found out there were problems with Noah). So, overall it was a good day, but we were by no means out of the woods. I had some emotional days in the next few weeks, thinking of all the “little” things that could go wrong, not allowing myself to get too attached or too excited…just waiting and bracing myself for the bad news to come.

Four more weeks I waited to see the perinatologist, four weeks we waited to see if we could leap the “Noah hurdle” too. Could we even think of having a healthy baby? I questioned in all sincerity, I’m not being overly dramatic here…if you’ve ever lost a baby…then you get it!

You know, after hearing what the doctor said yesterday, I thought I’d be more excited…I think I’ve just met so many moms who have lost babies in various ways and stages that I’m not too naive to think we’ll ever be out of the woods. Like I said earlier…no one gets a free pass. Maybe I’m sharing too much, I sound like such a pessimist, but this is what I’m feeling…no sugar coating! It’s like we are just waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the doctors to say “oh wait, we found something.” It will just take time to process, I think. And no matter what, I DO genuinely believe God is Good.

So yesterday, the u/s tech confirmed, with measurements, a due date of April 28. She got a strong heartbeat again. Though she didn’t give me the #, we commented that it wasn’t 75 (like Joanna) and she gave us a nod. They will check the heart again more thoroughly in four weeks. Baby was just too small to be able to see clearly. I asked specifically if there were any signs of M.-G. - a fluid sac- (like Noah) and she shared that everything was measuring good, no obvious signs of anything wrong, and that they'd look at the spinal cord and kidneys closely next time. The doctor said there was no need to come in “with my heart in my mouth,” (a new phrase to me, but I think I got the gist of what he was trying to say) but that he wanted to check everything again in four weeks before he “was willing to sign off on me” and allow me to go back to my regular OB doctor.

ALL THIS TO SAY, we think we may be carrying a HEALTHY, 3 oz, 14 ½ week old BABY KONING.

And the BIG brothers couldn’t be more excited,

the Grandparents couldn’t be more excited,

Mom and Dad are still in shock and awe…

letting the possibility sink in…

but yes, we are excited too!

We are thankful for the gracious blessing God has granted me to carry for a time…and we longingly await meeting and holding this precious gift from above!!

No Matter What

I know it's been a while.  I'd like to get back into the swing of blogging.  So many things to share and so little time.

But STAY TUNED!

This song has come to mind so many times this last week.  I just wanted to share.  No matter the circumstances, the pain, I cling to HIS promises...HIS character.  I've been challenged to move beyond just knowing to TRUSTING.



I've been studying the 23 Psalm.  Learning about sheep and THE Shepherd.  I'm realizing what I have in my Shepherd is far more than what I Don't have in this life.


Have a good week...