Thank you for all your love, support, and prayers! I really drew strength today knowing we'd be lifted up before our Father's Throne. This follow up didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped. The specialist and his ultra sound tech looked at the heart first. The pattern was still irregular and the heart rate was 112 (normal being from 120-160). The doctor said it was too early to see the actual structure of the heart to see why the heart is misfiring. He reassured us by sharing that, "the baby is not in heart failure." Of course I swallowed really hard at this comment wondering if that is where we're headed. I'll go back again in 2 weeks to hopefully get a better look at the heart's structure. The tech also found a bit of fluid collecting at the back of the head. She measured it at .8 and under 1.0 is considered in the high range of "normal." Memories of Noah's diagnosis flood my mind, but I remind myself that we'll must take one step at a time and face each hurdle as it comes...not before.
The specialist left us by saying, "just continue to think happy thoughts these next two weeks." "Oh great, yeah sure," I thought at first - "that's how your leaving things with us?" But I know that we have something even better that we can do than "think happy thoughts." We'll be on our knees asking, probably more like begging, the CREATOR to help our baby mature and grow into a healthy child
As I lay on the ultra sound table, a very familiar face came in to let me know Mike had arrived. It was my wonderful nurse Susan. I looked forward to seeing her each visit with Noah. She gave me a big hug and she said how often she thinks of us. With tears welling in her eyes she shared how we had impacted her personally by carrying Noah. What an encouragement...she is a dear lady who is a shining light in an office where so often it is suggested to terminate a pregnancy. She has been an advocate there and shared with me a few times how she has used Noah's life as a reminder to the doc that we DO bond with our baby and enjoy that time being pregnant because often that is the ONLY time some women may get. She said she would fervently pray for us the next two weeks, and we would ask you to do the same as well. It's really hard not to think that we may be headed down such a familiar path, one that is so treacherous. But as I sat in the car listening to the radio, I realized I had zoned out until I heard these words...
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"and
the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
There were/are so many things going through in my head, but the truth is I need only to listen to one voice and He says, "Do Not Be Afraid! This IS for MY GLORY! I am with you always."
