Some of you know, my mom rented a fetal doppler for me. It has been so nice to pick it up whenever and try to find the baby's heartbeat here at home. I was a little nervous (before I could really feel the baby move) that I wouldn't know when/if she died. So this has been such a "peace of mind" thing for me. FYI- I've been feeling her move a lot lately...most of all when I was having my pedicure...guess she's destined to be a girlie girl!
So all that to say, Wednesday morning after I got up, I checked to find a heartbeat and I found one...50 bpm. I called the office and asked if I really needed to come in, and the nurse said not Wednesday, but definitely before the end of the week. I already had an appointment scheduled for Thursday -so I decided that would be a good time.This morning, I walked into the office confident, having already found the heartbeat this morning. Sure enough as I looked at the screen and saw the pulsing white blob, the doctor said, "I know you weren't born yesterday." He really has no explanation (medically) as to why our baby girl is still alive. (though we know - like Job - that God holds "the life of every living thing, and breath of all mankind." Job 12:10 He is revealing Himself through our little girl.
Our doctor explained more about why the heart is not working. There is a large opening between the left and right ventricle and it is filled with fluid. The right ventricle "knows" to pump without the command/impulse from the 'atrial septal' (I think that's what he called it) This impulse is only getting through 1 out of 7 beats - so it's pretty ineffective! I asked about any other abnormalities especially the head and the presence of fluid. He said, "It looks better than before." He also prefaced this by saying, "I don't want you to get your hopes up, I can tell you this because of how you've been handling everything so maturely, the outcome will be the same as 2 years ago, but the heart actually looks better than Monday. It was swimming in fluid Monday and today it's just not." He also said he's, "done making predictions, but he wouldn't be surprised if come June baby was still ticking." Wow that's different than what we've been hearing these last 2-4 weeks -doc just trying to predict when her heart WOULD NOT be beating.
He also mentioned that he thought our girl had Trisomy 13...I'm not totally convinced yet because he hasn't given any other indication as to other abnormalities, so he's just going on the heart issues. I'll have to research this a little bit more. Who knows! But like he said earlier Trisomy 13, like Noah's Meckel-Gruber, is fatal. He said he'd see me next Wednesday. After he left the room, I looked at Mike and my nurse and I just laughed. What is the Lord up to?? The nurse looked at me and shared, "You're really messing with him! He's stumped!"
I've been so prepared to have to say goodbye this last week, that it's nice to think I could have another week to enjoy being pregnant and feeling my little girl twist and turn and kick within me. Again, thank you for praying!!
Just because...I finally decided to just go and buy some yarn to make a blanket. I've wanted to for a couple weeks, but just thought I wouldn't have time to actually finish it. So, I started it last night and I got a fair bit done :) Something special for my little girl. Made with love and prayers by her mama.
And then last night, after the kids were "in bed" (remind me to post a "Not Me" Monday post about this) some friends came over to plant a pink lily they had bought for our little girl. It's beautiful and it was such a thoughtful expression of love for our family. I'm excited that it has lots of buds, so we can enjoy lots of flowers in the weeks ahead :)
Many of you have asked about a name...we would share, but we haven't decided yet. I've been scouring a couple books I checked out of the library :) Mike and I both would like to find a name with a special meaning...so you'll just have to wait...
Micah 7:7 "But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation. My God will hear me."
2 comments:
Kristin, I admire you deeply! You are such an example of a godly woman. I am praying for you and your little girl.
I am amazed by your strength and faith. You are in my prayers, and will continue to be. You truley amaze me. I wish I had something to give to you or do for you. I just can tell you we are praying for you. We lost a baby at 19 weeks and that was so devestating to us. I am so amazed by you. In Christ Jesus, in prayer and in His love,
Mary M.
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