Alabama

I'm gonna send you over to Jen's blog.  She posted a slideshow of pictures from our visit with the Palmers and the night of the Sav-a-Life Banquet.

Here are a few of my pictures...

Leavin' on a Jet Plane

Jen and I arrived in Alabama last night.  The trip was uneventful for the most part.  We were delayed a bit in Fort Wayne as there was a ground delay in Detroit.  Then when we got to Detroit, we couldn't deplane because the ramp was broken.  It took a while for us to get off too, because we had to wait for a representitive to escort us since we were on a "live" tarmack.  Believe it or not it happened again when we got to Alabama...bizzare! Anyway, the fall foliage was spectacular!!  We saw lots of patches of "forrest" full of reds, oranges, yellows, and greens...simply beautiful!  I'll try to get some pictures on our way home.  Jen was laughing at me because the at the beginning of our flight to Alabama the captian came on and was giving all the stats of our flight and I THOUGHT he said that "we will be experiencing some turbulence" and Jen started laughing at me because he REALLY said, "Our flight will be an hour and thirty two minutes."  It was pretty funny...

Goodnight for now and I'll keep you posted.

Hittin' the Road...

We (Jen and I) are very excited about a new opportunity to share about our life experiences and our children. We will be traveling to Alabama in just two weeks, and speaking on the 20th! While we relflect on the value and miracle of new life, we will be focusing on how our children, Noah, Owen, and Joanna are WONDERFULLY MADE too.

Please be in prayer for us...
* that God would be glorified by all that we say and do
* as we pen out and prepare to share what is on our hearts -we are
  in the thick of this now!
* that our message would be heard loud and clear
* that we can deal effectively with the emotions that companion
  "going back there" (and specifically for me as Joanna's due date
  would have been Oct. 24 - these milestone anniversary dates can
  be emotional)
* that all the details come together smoothly
* for our physical health
* safety as we travel
* as our husbands care for our kids while we are away
* that we have an encouraging time with friends, old and new

THANK YOU, FRIENDS!

Song of the Grieving

My mom gave me a cd before Noah was born. I like this song...you can hear part of it here.

Song of the Grieving

Lord, you can see our hearts filled with sorrow,
The tears that are falling down,
Someone we love has gone on before us,
And we're left with the questions now,

And we know in the bigger scheme it would seem
We'll see you again 'fore we know it,
But the truth is it feels like this wound might not heal,
We need Your mercy, Lord show it,
Please, hear our Prayer...

Give us grace to weather this storm,
And strength to grieve our loss,
And trust that you have not abandoned us in our pain,
Give us faith to believe that there's more than this,
And hope for out final home,
We stand here before You broken but still believing,
The song of the grieving.

We smile at the fact that your journey is done,
And your spirit is where it has longed to be,
We picture you now as you laugh with the angels,
Thanking the Lord that you're finally free,

And we know in the bigger scheme it would seem
We'll see you again 'fore we know it,
But the truth is it feels like this wound might not heal,
We need Your mercy, Lord show it,
Please hear our cry...

The song of the grieving
We're broken and beaten
We need your healing

-Matt Rexford

Nestled in Peace...

When I returned home from Iowa, Mike said the cemetery had called to let us know that Joanna's headstone had been placed. So, on Tuesday - the first day of fall - the boys and I took some flowers to the cemetery.

"May the Lord of peace Himself give you peace at all times and in every way."

II Thess 3:16

ROAD TRIP

My mom and brother, Perry, picked me up last Friday and we headed to Iowa. The 8-9 hour car ride really wasn't too bad with 3 drivers. My cousin, who is stationed in Guam, flew "home" to get married. The weather was beautiful for the outdoor wedding. The scenery was lush and green. We stayed with a family from my uncle and aunt's church. My boys would have LOVED to explore around their farm!! I was able to snap a few shots at sunrise on Sunday morning while our host took our flat tire to the milk house to plug the hole! We were blessed to have hosts that could do just about anything! If we'd have been anywhere else, it would have been a much bigger and longer task! I don't think the donut tire would have lasted very long on all the gravel roads either.

Appointment

Today I went to the doctor to have my "6 week check up." Hard to believe it's been that long since I felt the warmth of her body as they tenderly placed her on my stomach. I will never forget that, nor the cold of her checks, just hours later, as I gently stroked them. No, I'll never forget.

Time doesn't heal, but it cauterizes.

Each day is another step on this journey of grief, toward healing, and learning what my normal is now.

Okay, back to my appointment, everything went fairly well. The midwife that delivered Joanna took time to talk with me and make sure I was doing okay emotionally, not just physically. She and my doctor said how surprised, no pretty much shocked, he was when the results of Joanna's testing came back perfectly normal; her chromosomes exactly the way they should be. The doctor said again how glad he was we have our two boys...that what happened with Noah and Joanna were isolated occurrences...that I don't have to worry that I'm "damaged goods" (not the words I'd choose to describe my circumstances, but oh well)...I guess he meant that I shouldn't blame myself, that my body is not letting me down, or that I'm not doomed in the pregnancy department.

As he was leaving, I thanked him again for his care. I shared that I was apprehensive about coming back to see him this time. He rambled off about understanding that it would bring back unpleasant memories. But, I wanted to be sure to say that I appreciated his attitude and respect of our choice to carry Joanna. I emphasized how his support really made a difference. He shared how he's learning from his patients, he's changing how he does some things, and that his nurse is "softening" him.

I left a CD of Joanna's Memorial Service and a DVD of pictures...like I posted a while back...I hope his curiosity will be peaked and that he'll take a chance on listening to them. I've been thinking about what I can give to my doctor and his staff, to keep at the office, that would serve as a visual reminder of Noah and Joanna and the extraordinary and unexpected time I was given to carry my children. I'm thinking about giving them the "Cherish" Willow Tree figurine...it looks like this...

Thanks for "listening", friends. I'm reflecting on these verses tonight...I weep, but not without hope...

"What joy for those whose strength comes from the Lord,
who have set their minds on a pilgrimage...
when they walk through the Valley of Weeping,
it will become a place of refreshing springs.
The autumn rains will clothe it with blessings."

Psalms 84:5-6