In SHOCK and AWE...

For the last 15 weeks our family has been praying for someone special. The emotions of it all lead to our choice not to share the news publicly...yet. The waiting can be excruciating, and as a mom especially, I felt like I needed to be the protector and guardian until we had more information.

After we lost Noah, we were so excited to be expecting again, and it was devastating to find out, and then have to share, that we would be loosing Joanna too. We just felt so confident that we wouldn’t have to face another loss. Needless to say, we learned that no one gets a free pass when it comes to the struggles and pain of this life.

So this past August when we found out that God had blessed us with another pregnancy, we felt both excited and apprehensive. “Are we really that crazy – to try AGAIN?” I came to a very hard crossroads this last spring and decided I needed to make a choice…to release what control I still thought I had on what I thought my family would be…my dreams, my expectations. It was hard not knowing what the future would hold for the Konings. Could I really spend anymore time wishing for what was lost?  Wishing for more. Could I just be truly grateful for the two amazing boys God has given me? Do I continue to stay home? Do I pursue a full time job? How do I best serve my family? How do I go on, what’s the next thing for me, if we are done having children? It all came to a head when Mike we decided it would be a great idea to have a garage sale and get rid of the baby stuff that sat collecting much dust in the attic. This seemed like an easy decision logically, but it was very emotional for me. Attached were the memories of Trent and Drew using them, yes, but then on top of that were the emotions of the dreams and memories I never got to have with Noah and Joanna, or would/could have with any more babies. Was this REALLY my life? Reality sets in, and friends, it can be brutal sometimes. But I survived, and it really was a process - of relinquishment - that I needed to go through.

Back to August…well, September when I finally got an appointment with the doctor (at 11 weeks, but they thought more like 10). Without me even having to ask, the doctor said he’d get me back to ultrasound and we’d see how things were progressing. We heard a very strong heartbeat that morning, 176. We had crossed the “Joanna hurdle”, but knew it’d be too early to tell about Meckel-Gruber (I was 15 weeks when we found out there were problems with Noah). So, overall it was a good day, but we were by no means out of the woods. I had some emotional days in the next few weeks, thinking of all the “little” things that could go wrong, not allowing myself to get too attached or too excited…just waiting and bracing myself for the bad news to come.

Four more weeks I waited to see the perinatologist, four weeks we waited to see if we could leap the “Noah hurdle” too. Could we even think of having a healthy baby? I questioned in all sincerity, I’m not being overly dramatic here…if you’ve ever lost a baby…then you get it!

You know, after hearing what the doctor said yesterday, I thought I’d be more excited…I think I’ve just met so many moms who have lost babies in various ways and stages that I’m not too naive to think we’ll ever be out of the woods. Like I said earlier…no one gets a free pass. Maybe I’m sharing too much, I sound like such a pessimist, but this is what I’m feeling…no sugar coating! It’s like we are just waiting for the other shoe to drop, for the doctors to say “oh wait, we found something.” It will just take time to process, I think. And no matter what, I DO genuinely believe God is Good.

So yesterday, the u/s tech confirmed, with measurements, a due date of April 28. She got a strong heartbeat again. Though she didn’t give me the #, we commented that it wasn’t 75 (like Joanna) and she gave us a nod. They will check the heart again more thoroughly in four weeks. Baby was just too small to be able to see clearly. I asked specifically if there were any signs of M.-G. - a fluid sac- (like Noah) and she shared that everything was measuring good, no obvious signs of anything wrong, and that they'd look at the spinal cord and kidneys closely next time. The doctor said there was no need to come in “with my heart in my mouth,” (a new phrase to me, but I think I got the gist of what he was trying to say) but that he wanted to check everything again in four weeks before he “was willing to sign off on me” and allow me to go back to my regular OB doctor.

ALL THIS TO SAY, we think we may be carrying a HEALTHY, 3 oz, 14 ½ week old BABY KONING.

And the BIG brothers couldn’t be more excited,

the Grandparents couldn’t be more excited,

Mom and Dad are still in shock and awe…

letting the possibility sink in…

but yes, we are excited too!

We are thankful for the gracious blessing God has granted me to carry for a time…and we longingly await meeting and holding this precious gift from above!!

No Matter What

I know it's been a while.  I'd like to get back into the swing of blogging.  So many things to share and so little time.

But STAY TUNED!

This song has come to mind so many times this last week.  I just wanted to share.  No matter the circumstances, the pain, I cling to HIS promises...HIS character.  I've been challenged to move beyond just knowing to TRUSTING.



I've been studying the 23 Psalm.  Learning about sheep and THE Shepherd.  I'm realizing what I have in my Shepherd is far more than what I Don't have in this life.


Have a good week...

A Purpose...

I came across this illustration while I was reading Death of a Little Child by J. Vernon McGee.  I wanted to share this today as I think about my little girl.

"There is a story of sweetness and beauty which enlightens the heart of every parent who has lost a child. It concerns a custom among the shepherd folk of the Alps.  In the summer time when the grass in the lower valleys withers and dries up, the shepherds seek to lead their sheep up a winding, thorny, and stony pathway to the high grazing lands.  The sheep, reluctant to take the difficult pathway infested with dangers and hardships, turn back and will not follow.  The shepherds make repeated attempts, but the timid sheep will not follow.  Finally a shepherd reaches into the flock and takes a little lamb and places it under his arm, then reaches in again and takes another lamb, placing it under the other arm.  Then he starts up the precipitous pathway.  Soon the mother sheep start to follow and afterward the entire flock.  At last they ascend the tortuous trail to green pastures.

The Great Shepherd of the sheep, the Lord Jesus Christ, our Saviour, has reached into the flock and he has picked up your lamb.  He did not do it to rob you, but to lead you out and upward.  He has richer and greener pastures for you, and He wants you to follow.

Will you follow Him?"

There is a new lamb cradled on Thy breast tonight,
A sweet small lamb, so lately mine
I scarce can keep my arms from reaching out
As though to snatch her back from Thine.

These arms of mine are wonted so to her, dear Lord,
They curved about her little form
So sweetly, and from dawn of time my breast was meant
To be her pillow, soft and warm.

What does one do with aching arms and empty hours,
With silent rooms, and dragging days?
The things I knew before will not avail me now-
Teach me new lessons and new ways.

Take Thou, I pray, these idle folded hands of mine
Which can no longer busied be
With dear, familiar tasks for her...In mercy, Lord,
Fill hands and heart with tasks for Thee!
                                                           -Martha Snell Nicholson

STR-I-I-I-I-K-E!

Trent has enjoyed pitching a couple innings for his team. I just love how the ump gets into it! It's going to be a fun season!!







Getting on his catchers gear. The black patches for under his eyes have come in handy...we bought these a couple years ago to wear for Halloween with his football costume. :)
Mike coaching Trent at 1st base.

School's OUT for SUMMER & Teacher Gift Tutorial!

Here is a comparison from the first day and the last...think he grew?  Well, he for sure grew 4 new teeth :)

Like the pink bag Trent's got?  Keep reading to see what's inside...

I made Trent's teacher a special end of the year "Thank You" gift the eve of the last day of school.

I found the idea here.  It went together very quickly...cause you all know I'm a major procrastinator!  I think it turned out great though!  Trent said she REALLY liked it...I would have liked something like this...a lot more that the little chachkies I got from the dollar store when I taught 4th grade!  Just sayin!

I found the 8X8 inch shadow box at walmart for about $8.  I printed off his teacher's name on a piece of card stock then trimmed it down to size.  I also printed off a separate piece of paper with an "L" to help me trim the crayons to the right size and shape.

I hot glued them in place.  I put the hot glue right on the paper of the crayon and it worked well.  I wasn't sure if it would melt the wax, but I didn't have a problem at all.

I think I'll be making lots more of these in the coming years!

(I googled these crayon shadowboxes and I found an Etsy shop where you can buy them for 40 dollars, yikes!  Mine cost less than $10 and was super easy and quick to make!)

We also wrote her a note and sealed it to the back with contact paper.

So, what do you think?  It would be cute in a craft or kids room, too!

A Big Scare!

Monday I was out in the front yard trimming back some of our bushes.  I was trimming the bush right by our front door.  I started at the top and just wanted to round it out a bit.  All of a sudden I heard the leaves rustling BUT I wasn't touching the bush and Drew was getting something out of the garage.  I saw a big brown thing fly out from under the bush...I screamed and watched a DUCK scurry off to the back of the house where the pond is.

I thought that was strange, but I got down on my knees to investigate under the bush and look what I found...

8 EGGS!!  And, YES, momma duck did come back.  I saw her the next day.

When I was telling Trent and Mike what had happened, Trent told me the same thing happened when he went to retrieve a baseball that he and Mike were playing catch with.  The funny thing was that Mike had just teased him about not letting a snake "get him" when he reached down and under to get the ball back.  So, needless to say, Trent got quite a scare, as did the poor duck I guess!  But they apparently forgot to warn tell me.

You want to be a WHAT when you grow up!!

We took the boys to a nearby playground and I saw...

flying...

 jumping...

   swinging...

     twisting...

        kicking...

          punching...

            oh, and I heard a lot of grunting!

So, I told Drew he should calm it down a little!  After all, I didn't want to look like a mom who couldn't control her busy little boy him to get hurt!  I looked down at his sweaty red face and he, looking back up at me, said very seriously, "But mom, I'm going to be a NINJA when I grow up! I need to work on my moves!"