While I'm Waiting...

This is a song I keep hearing on the radio and I really like it! Thought I'd share...



The lyrics...

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

What's in a NAME?

I have been looking and thinking and waiting for some revelation as to what to name our precious little girl. Boys names come easy for us...I guess we've had a little more time to think and accumulate them since Trent is now 7! Mike and I had some ideas early on, but I wanted to focus on her name's meaning.

It has been a long 6 months!! She has made it to 24 weeks (yesterday) and she is a testimony to the grace of God. Our family is a testimony to the Grace of God, were it not for His strength and His peace and His faithfulness, I don't know how we'd have made it this far. Her name, (insert drum roll and cymbal crash here) JOANNA will always remind us that "God is gracious." I learned, just today, that this name is found twice in Luke - Joanna was one of three women mentioned who gave to help finance Christ's ministry. Again she is named with the two Marys in Luke 24:10 as one of the women who went to the empty tomb and were met by 2 men/angels and then reported what they had seen and heard to the apostles. Anyways, just an interesting tidbit I thought. Her middle name CLAIRE means "shining light." I can't think of a name more fitting to remind us of the impact our daughter's life has had on others, and specifically our doctor! She has proven to be stubborn and persistent in proving that God is in control of the life and breath of all mankind. Our doctor can try to predict, he can think he knows best -but his heart is softening to the meaning and value of each life. He has processed out loud with me some of his thoughts these last two weeks. My mom and I left amazed last week at some of the things he shared as he must reconcile our daughter's life with what he has medically known and practiced for 20+ years. It renewed my strength, accountability, and reliance on God despite the emotional ups and downs of this journey, and selfishly wanting to "move on" and begin this journey of grief. However, seeing a glimpse into how his thought process and values are not lining up with the lives of his patients is really making him rethink some things, or at least his attitude toward the choices his patients make for their unborn child knowing that the outcome will still be the same if it were "sped up" or allowing nature to take its course.

It is my prayer that Christ's light would continue to shine through Joanna Claire's life that all may see and know that with "You [God] is the fountain of life; In Your light we see light." Psalms 36:9. We are excited to call her by name and are so blessed by those of you who continue to pray for our family, and our precious little light.

Blessings friends...

**UPDATE** on my appointment:

Her heart rate is still slowing. It was 44 bpm. She is not moving as much, not even as a reaction to my pushing, poking, or squishing. :) The doctor said this is probably due to the fact that her abdomen is so bloated with fluid that her belly is actually pushed up against me. Not much room in there. He said her belly is still small enough to deliver normally, but that is a concern down the road. He said the next course of action, if she hangs in there another 2-4 weeks will be to give her steroids to help develop her lungs. [From what I gather, this is just procedural (covering his back) as the possibility to deliver prematurely is high and this will give her a chance outside of mom if she were to miracuously make it through loabor with a heartbeat.] Though he's said more than once that that is pretty much impossible.

Thanks for lifting us up in prayer, friends!

End of the Season...

I started this post before we left for the holiday, but I couldn't get the photos to uplaod...I'll try again...

Here are a few pictures of the boy's last games of the summer...it's been fun and the boys have sure enjoyed playing on a team. They have been learning a lot and we have so enjoyed watching the process!
Here are a few candids from his "boring" time in the outfield...
Drew enjoyed his season of soccer too! His highlight was scoring a few goals, but his favorite position was goalie.

4-D

Today at my appointment I found out that our baby girl has more fluid around her heart. So after about 3 weeks of everything being the "same" it looks like things are getting a bit worse. He wasn't able to measure a heart rate, though he looked and listened to it for about 15 seconds. (I continue to count it at about 50 bpm when I can find it at home on the doppler.) I asked him if I could see her in 4D and though this picture isn't the best it was really neat to see her on the screen!! It's the first time I've seen one with any of my kiddos. For the last few weeks he's let me set up my next appointment as far as the date goes, but today he said he wanted to see my back on Tuesday morning, and just to call if anything happened before then. I know he probably has another hunch, but decided NOT to share it with me :) I guess he's learning that anything is possible when it comes to Koning babies (Noah and our girl)! I asked about brain activity and he said, "it's very primitive but she is not suffering." I just wonder how she continues to move and grow with such an ineffective heart- making for insufficient blood and oxygen flow. He started to say, "I can't imagine that Tue...well...I'll just see you on Tuesday."

So my roller coaster begins another trek up, up, up a steep hill. As I listen to the warning of the coaster's clicking, I wait for my heart to beat faster and my palms to get sweaty before I just can't hold my scream in any longer. Then comes the quick emotional rush to the low of lows. It's hard living day by day wondering if "this" will be the day she kicks for last time. My strength is definitely dwindling...I think about just being "done." Thankfully I don't have to rely on my own strength!! His grace is sufficient for each day, hour, and minute. Thank you for the many times you faithfully pray for us. You are such a blessing to me especially!

Quick Update on our baby girl...

Last night my computer decided to "get sick." I'm looking at 3/4 of a blurry screen(so forgive any typos!) that is only turquise and yellow and green! Hopefully it's something we can get fixed quickly, but I'm frustrated by the timing!

Anyways, I just got back from a pretty uneventful trip to the doctor. I started by letting him know I regularly feel her move and that it surprises me that she moves so actively likeI remember with my other kids. He didn't really say anything. While taking a look, he said it was hard to get a reading on the heart rate because sometimes it beats steady and others its very abnormal, so he guessed that it averages out to be about 60 bpm. He looked at and measured the head (she is head down now) and the leg and said she is measuring "right on." He said, "I can't tell you she looks any worse than last week, if not better." So he left it up to me as to when I come in, "he's just along for the ride." He's said this before and I have to wonder what he's thinking about this ride in that intellectual head...how and why this is happening! I told him a lot of people were praying with me that she would hold on for at least another week while my mom was out of the country. As he walked out he smiled and said, "All you have to do is look at my stock portfolio to see how I am at predicting..." He laughed to himself and shook his head as he leaft the room. I'm scheduled to go back in next Thursday, meanwhile we'll continue to take one day at a time and I'll enjoy all the kicks.

Thank you for your continued prayers for our family. We can't thank you enough for helping us carry this burden!

"Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid; For the LORD GOD is my strength and song, And He has become my salvation." -Is. 12:2

Happy Anniversary!

Today Mike and I celebrate 9 years of marriage! I can't believe it's been that long, it's gone so fast. Mike, you'd better make sure you've started saving for the big cruise next year I'm looking forward to a quiet dinner out!

I got out our wedding album this morning and reminisced about OUR day...our prayer...
Col. 2:2-3 "...that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge."

Here are a few pics I scanned into the computer - not the greatest quality but they'll do.


Mike,
Thank you for 9 great years! I'm so glad we said "I do!" I love your servants heart and I appreciate all that you do to bless me as your partner. Thank you for being understanding, patient, and kind. (I know that's not always easy with me and all we have faced these last 2 1/2 years) I see you striving to be more Christ-like and I'm so grateful for your leadership as we raise our family. I love you, and I hope we have many more years to celebrate together!
Love,
Me

A thought...

This is a reminder to me more than anything else! I like real life scenes along with scripture. (Drew was "playing" goalie here, but the ball was at the other end the entire time. He got tired and bored and decided to sit down, take a rest, and wait for the ball to come to him.)

Though we didn't encourage his efforts here in this instance, it reminded me that sometimes when my life seems chaotic and overwhelming, I just need to STOP and SIT and WAIT for the LORD, knowing He is in CONTROL.