4-D

Today at my appointment I found out that our baby girl has more fluid around her heart. So after about 3 weeks of everything being the "same" it looks like things are getting a bit worse. He wasn't able to measure a heart rate, though he looked and listened to it for about 15 seconds. (I continue to count it at about 50 bpm when I can find it at home on the doppler.) I asked him if I could see her in 4D and though this picture isn't the best it was really neat to see her on the screen!! It's the first time I've seen one with any of my kiddos. For the last few weeks he's let me set up my next appointment as far as the date goes, but today he said he wanted to see my back on Tuesday morning, and just to call if anything happened before then. I know he probably has another hunch, but decided NOT to share it with me :) I guess he's learning that anything is possible when it comes to Koning babies (Noah and our girl)! I asked about brain activity and he said, "it's very primitive but she is not suffering." I just wonder how she continues to move and grow with such an ineffective heart- making for insufficient blood and oxygen flow. He started to say, "I can't imagine that Tue...well...I'll just see you on Tuesday."

So my roller coaster begins another trek up, up, up a steep hill. As I listen to the warning of the coaster's clicking, I wait for my heart to beat faster and my palms to get sweaty before I just can't hold my scream in any longer. Then comes the quick emotional rush to the low of lows. It's hard living day by day wondering if "this" will be the day she kicks for last time. My strength is definitely dwindling...I think about just being "done." Thankfully I don't have to rely on my own strength!! His grace is sufficient for each day, hour, and minute. Thank you for the many times you faithfully pray for us. You are such a blessing to me especially!